Monday, May 16, 2016

Purity- My Story

I encourage you to keep reading this even if this topic makes you uncomfortable, in fact I'm slightly uncomfortable talking about this right now. This is hard knowing that it's out there for the world to see, but my story is not something I should be ashamed of. I feel that it's something that needs to be shared and this is a big part of my testimony...

I don't say any of this to condemn anyone, I know nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. I am simply writing what I believe and know to be true straight from the Bible. I am writing this out of love and to share my experience with others.

I knew from a very young age that I wanted to keep my virginity until the night of my wedding. When I was young I wrote a note to God that I would vow to do that and signed it. I am so glad that I have kept that vow to him, but I haven't always remained pure. 
There have been many times that I have made mistakes by giving too much of myself to a guy and I've tried to justify those actions by saying "but I'm still a virgin". 
True, but there is a big difference between purity and virginity. 
Purity is living a life to whole heartedly please God. This is more about the intent of your heart. Purity is a mindset and a lifestyle that I haven't always remained true to. It took a lot of mistakes, pain, heartache, and prayer to get me where I am today, finally living a pure life. I found myself in so many situations I knew I shouldn't have been in. Throughout the years I didn't know if I would ever get rid of the impurity and guilt I was feeling. The fact that I was still a virgin was not enough. I kept making the same mistakes over and over again throwing me into this viscous cycle. Without fail, when it came time to repent, I got so repetitive and furious with myself. I begged God to please please give me the strength to overcome the temptation, because I felt like I couldn't. 

Finally one day it clicked and just like that my mindset changed. The Lord did a MAJOR work in me because otherwise I know the cycle would have continued on. My sweet, amazing, and very wise mother fought with me through this battle I thought I could never win. You may think that's weird to talk about those things with your mother when normally you would want to hide and keep that private, but I needed her to be a prayer warrior for me. I needed this to change, and I knew the only way it would was with God. My mom and her prayer group prayed endlessly for me and for that I am forever grateful. This was not the life I wanted to live, and I know her never ceasing prayers worked. She prayed with me and for me, and the last time I prayed aloud with her I felt different afterwards. I knew that something had changed, that something had shifted and it felt good. From that point on, I haven't been the same. I became victorious over this thing that I felt I had no control over.
No matter where you're at in this walk, The Lord can restore purity.

How and why?
The Bible says:
"Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NLT

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 NLT

And I kept asking how God how am I supposed to do this?

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.”
Psalm 119:9-11 NIV

This is what keeps me on the right path, and in the right mindset.
I can say that this journey hasn't been easy, but I know it's worth it. It's worth waiting for. 
This line from "pieces" by Amanda Cook and Stefanie Gretzinger resonates within my heart and this is exactly the kind of love I look for in a man, one with the heart of God and a love like His.

"Love keeps its promises, it keeps its word, it honors what's sacred because His vows are good."

Sacred is such a powerful word and that's exactly what I believe this is. Sex is something sacred that I only want shared with the one I'm giving my whole heart to, my whole life to, the one I'll be with forever in covenant. It's something so special that I cannot justify giving out so easily. 
I'll tell you, you can't find that unless you're looking for a man who pursues the heart of God. A man who is constantly pursuing the heart of God WILL respect you (and himself) and stand firm in this WITH you. 
(saw this on the pure intentions IG/FB pages)

Cinderella has always been my favorite Disney princess. I know fairytales aren't real and a lot of people think you shouldn't expect a fairytale relationship because it's raises standards "too high" and that it's not reality. Not all relationships work out like in a movie. While that's true, why would we tell young girls to lower their standards and come down to "reality"? Because it's not "reality" to be loved deeply and passionately like the Lord loves us?... Maybe those people are looking in the wrong places. I don't by any means expect my relationship to be perfect, but I am the daughter of the most high King and believe I should be treated and respected as such. Of course going along with this should not be a prideful attitude; I will in turn treat my man with that same love and respect. Out of experience I say, don't lower your standards to what the world says a relationship should look like. Look to Him, God has someone out there for you who will respect you and love you the way He does.
If this is something you've been struggling with as well, I promise you He can give you strength to stay pure and restore what has been broken.

With so much love,

Tori

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